Is love worth waiting for... to tell you honestly, hindi ko din alam eh, marami akong tanong ngayun sa buhay pag-ibig. Normally ako yun madalas magbigay ng advice pero ngayun parang ako ang nangangailangan ng advice.
It all started when i met this guy sa isang site na katulong ako sa pagmamanage. I was connected din sa isang distribution company, so masasabi natin na busy din ako kahit papano. Then, i have no time for lovelife and the stuff, kung may dumating, e di go, kung wala... work work work and have good time with friends.
Until i chanced upon this new site for single guys, i was approached by the owner and offered me a position as one of the site admin. Tinanggap ko naman kase im fond of doing things other than my work and im really eager to be part of a group in the pink community, aside from the fact that its a group for single guys hehe.
So ok naman yun site, ive met friends, ive done some flirting around, marami din nag flirt back... yun kase yun point ng buhay ko na i feel very ugly and feeling ko wala na akong laban sa mga bata batang guys ngayun. So having found my inner beauty again, na may nagkakagusto pa pala, nabuhay din ang hope ko na magkaron ng partner. Nabansagan pa nga ako sa site na pinakaflirtatious sa lahat ng mga members kase very jolly and accommodating ako sa lahat.
Until such time na nagkaron ako ng isang connection sa isa sa mga members dun, the flirtation has been going on like forever, puro padaplis hangin lang. Until nagkita kami and ok naman. He looks decent naman and somehow may connection naman kami. We tried dating and talking over sms. But fate seems to interfere, dinapuan naman ako ng sakit and we sorta had a falling out. I tried to meet him one more time and spend time but i could not feel anything anymore. Nabigla pa ako sa mga sumunod na pangyayari, but i want to clear things out, we didn’t come to any arrangement na kami na. So things are a bit open pa din to both of us.
I knew i had to finish it, ayoko din naman kase na paasahin sya sa wala. So i was really tuliro nun weekend nay un, nadagdag pa sa mga iniisip ko yun unang geb ng site namin. I felt at that time na para akong nakakulong, hindi ko maikilos yun gusto kong ikilos kase alam kong nanjan sya. Un sa GEB naman, ndi ko naman sadyang maasikaso kase kagagaling ko lang sa sakit and im still recuperating.
Dumating yun araw ng GEB na tuliro pa din ako, i had no plans na pumunta na sana but mapilit yun ibang mga kaibigan kong moderators and isa pa parang ayaw ko syang makita that night. Anyhow, nandun na kami sa venue ng GEB and he arrived also, i dunno if its because im sick kaya matamlay ako or dahil nga sa feeling ko na bantay sarado ako. Then another someone arrived. He is also a member of the site, a tall, striking and quite a young guy. Ewan ko ba, nun Makita ko sya, para akong nahampas ng kaldero sa ulo. Iba yun feeling, parang bigla akong na excite na ewan, and i felt conscious sa harap nya.
We have been exchanging sms na pala even before, hindi ko lang sya nasasagot kase nga may sakit ako the past days. When we returned to our seats, he was seated directly in front of me and i felt very conscious of his gaze. The guy that i am currently dating was seated beside me kaya i try to brush off yun nararamdaman ko. But as the night went on, i cant help myself to look to where he is, as in mga nakaw na sulyap. Nakikita ko din naman sya na patingin tingin sa akin and i didn’t know what to do. Maraming umaaligid sa kanya and i felt jealous, i cant understand why i but i did. So mas pinili ko na lang na lumabas ng room to avoid any confrontation. Nakipagusap na lang ako kung kani kanino para malibang. Then i found myself in a situation na nagulat na lang ako and that sealed the fate of my dilemma above. I even shared what im feeling with the head of the site regarding the sitwasyon na kinasasangkutan ko. Humihingi ako ng tulong kung papano ko tatapusin yun sa aming dalawa nun guy na dine date ko. Well there’s no easy way to break somebody’s heart ika nga di ba. So i was really confused that night.
It came the time na kailangan ko nang umuwi at magpahinga. Ewan ko kung anong pumasok sa isip ko and somehow i have this need to make contact to this new guy, makausap ko man lang sya bago umalis or something, basta ang alam ko lang at that time na i need to do something. As i said my goodbyes dun sa mga kasama ko, i started to make beso beso to everyone, kahit dun sa mga unang kakilala ko pa lang, naisip ko lang na para walang makahalata. Dumating ako kung san sya nakaupo and nagbeso ako sa kanya, that was the time i felt something, parang electricity nun magdikit kaming 2. Ewan ko cguro excited lang ako at that time but i knew then na meron din syang naramdaman. I went home that night thinking again about those other members na umaaligid sa kanya. Andaming pumasok sa isip ko nun but i let fate decide. I just sent a message to him telling na it was nice to meet him sa GEB.
The next day nagulat na lang ako na i received a reply from him, and he was nice naman. That was the start of a series of sms conversations. Wala naman kaming pinaguusapan anything in particular, almost generic at times, minsan napapasok yun mga eksena nun nakaraang GEB and kung ano ang mga nangyari pa after i left. I also get to know the fact that he was looking at me too, na naging observant din pala sya sa mga kilos ko that night. I dunno if he was pulling my leg or what but i felt somehow someone get a notice of me and it felt good. You may call that exchange of sms flirting but honestly i tried to maintain a respectable conversation. Ayoko din naman kase mainvolve with someone while i am still involved with somebody else. And he said that he was also recuperating from a failed relationship. And besides I still have that lingering dilemma in mind that i need to solve my problems first before i put myself into another situation.
But i think fate has its way and we both found ourselves immersed sa aming sms conversation, you can say na nandun na kami sa boundary ng pagiging sweet sa isat isa. And aaminin ko na nahuhulog na din ang feelings ko para sa kanya. Inamin din nya na nagugustuhan na din nya ako. So i told him na aayusin ko muna ang kinasasangkutan kong sitwasyon. Ayokong may lumabas na nangagaw o inagawan, kung meron mang dapat sisihin eh ako, dahil ako ang nagiba, ako ang nagbaling ng nararamdaman ko towards another. Mas lalo akong naging tuliro, my friends were there to support me, even giving me a sanctuary in that time na kailangan kong magisip. Finally i had the courage to tell the guy i am dating that things will not work out between us anymore. Siguro ang pagkakamali ko lang is that hindi ko nasabi sa kanya ang totoo na aside from the fact na undecided na ako even before that night of the GEB is that i met somebody else. I edited out somethings, hoping to ease the pain of the news.
Siyempre to the rescue na naman ang mga kaibigan ko sa site to help me cope up with the situation, we met at starbucks araneta to talk and somehow enjoy the night para hindi ko maisip ang mga nangyari. Again, fate has its way of toying with us, nagkataon na nandun din pala this other guy that i am interested with. Honestly when i knew that he was there, alam kong gusto ko sya makita pero with us is a friend na interesado din sa kanya. To tell you ilang friends ko ang interesado sa kanya at decided na i pursue sya so i dunno where to fit in, iniisip ko yun mararamdaman nila. But somehow i need to tell them kahit pahapyaw. So dinaan ko sa biro lang. A message rang in my fone and its him... he told me where he is and he said that he saw me from where he is. He asked me if we could see each other and i begged him na wag muna kase nga ayoko din ng issue, kakahiwalay ko pa lang kase. But he kept on asking so i finally gave in. I excused myself from my group and went to where he is. Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko that time kase finally magkikita na kami ulit and magkakaalaman kung ano ba talaga. As i approached their table, he was with a cousin, nakangiti na sya and i felt like i was floating. I knew then that i like this guy. Upo, usap, medyo may ilang. Then we found ourselves having our knees touch. Initially ang naiisip ko eh iiwas but i tested him kung aalisin nya, but he did not. Nakipaglabanan pa ng tuhuran as ive put it hehe. Then i knew that there was something with him too. After spending a few minutes there, my friends texted me that we have to go, nagpaalam na ako sa kanilang magpinsan na babalik na muna ako dun sa table namin. When we were finally leaving, my friends knew already who i met and yun may gusto sa kanya sa group was teasing me... “ang pait pala ng strawberry frap!” pertaining to the bitterness he felt nun malaman nya na kami ang magkasama dun sa kabilang resto. I felt bad kase hindi ko nasabi agad. I went back to his table to say goodbye and he touched by belly... haha alam ko na that he is into me too. I felt happy. We ended the night talking over the phone, cyempre unyt hehe...
The following day was a normal day kase nga holy week na. He said that he was at gateway again accompanying his sister. I offered to accompany him kase may i meet daw yun sister nya and sya lang magisa dun. So i said na sige pupuntahan ko sya para may kasama sya. I took that chance para Makita sya ulit. I arrived there and kasama pala nya ang pinsan nya ulit. Ok naman sa akin kase at least may ibang tao para kung magkailangan man may panabla. I placed myself beside him and we started chatting away. Ewan ko ba kung pano nangyari pero we found ourselves holding each others hand. And hindi na nagbitaw un for quite a long time. Im not much of a PDA person myself kase nga nasa labas pero inisip ko nun what the heck... gusto ko tong taong kasama ko and i will show him that i do. Pakilalam ko kung maraming tao, basta at that time sya lang yun taong nakikita ko. As the day pass, dumating yun ilan sa mga friends nya, his sister rejoined us, so ayun... parang biglaang party ang nangyari. I met his side... i just made myself comfy, never pretended a bit. Madali ko naman sila nakagaanan ng loob. We were like lovers, this guy and i, ndi namin inintindi ang mga tao sa paligid naming, at that time, i felt very happy and alive. Ito nga siguro un sinasabi nilang rush. We eventually went to a bar in morato and spent the rest of the night there... that’s when he informed me that he and his sister are going back to the province for the meantime. Parang ang hirap naman nun pagkakataon na yun... natawa na nga lang ako kase isip ko sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana... kung kelan feeling ko nakahanap na ako ng taong gusto ko saka naman ilalayo. But i did not fret at that time, mas inisip ko na lang na i enjoy un sandaling moments na magkasama kami. He said that he will be coming back naman daw after 2 weeks so sabi ko may pagasa pa naman pala. That night we decided that we will be exclusive to one another... i dunno if that will count as kami na or what... may mga nagsasabi na counted na daw un as kami na, but to us, we know that what we have that night is a mutual understanding. We parted ways at around 3am and i was there watching them ride a bus home, catching a last glimpse of him not knowing if this person who made my heart beat again will ever come back.
Nagpatuloy yun paguusap naming thru txt and tawag. Araw araw kami magkausap, mula pagkagising hanggang sa pagtulog. Seem that we cant get enough of each other. Everyday was like torture for me kase magkalayo kami... ako pa naman pag may nagustuhan eh as much as possible gusto ko lagi nakikita or nakakasama. Kumbaga at that time para kaming nasa honeymoon stage. Gahis na gahis sa isat isa. A week past and ganun pa din ang eksena naming 2. He was there, i am here. Marami akong naiisip na baka may makilala syang iba ang makalimutan nya ako. I really like this guy. I even made constant communication sa sister nya. Nagpapalakas ika nga hehe. So ganun nang ganun na lang kami araw araw, i always ask him kung kelan sya babalik, no concrete answer, either next week or katapusan ng april. I knew then that i had to do something before i lose him to someone or just losing him at all. I decided to go after him sa province nila. Good thing na taga dun din ang hipag ko so wala akong masyadong magiging problema sa tutuluyan. The only problem was i never travelled this far and alone pa. Sbi ko sa sarili ko, lakasan na lang ng loob. Bahala na. That day i decided na magbyahe, i literally dropped everything, nag decide, nagimpake, pumunta sa terminal ng bus, sumakay. Ganun. I never told him na pupunta ako, i wanted to surprise him. Ang nakakaalam lang ay yun mga pamangkin ko dto sa bahay, yun sister nya at 2 sa mga kaibigan ko. I told him na i was going someplace else that night and the rest was history.
I travelled by bus papunta sa province nila, uncertain what that voyage may bring. Kumbaga hinanda ko ang sarili ko sa kung ano man ang magiging kapalaran ko, kung kasama ko ba siyang uuwi or uuwi ako ng luhaan. Dumating ako dun sa place ng hipag ko kinaumagahan, nagpahinga lang at naghanda na para Makita sya. As i neared the place kung saan naming napagkasunduan ng sister niya na mamaganap ang muling pagkikita, kinakabahan ako. Papano kung mabulilyaso, papano kung hindi matuloy... ah bahala na basta ang iniisip ko lang nun eh ang Makita sya ulit. I arrived there at the meeting place, i saw his back and i entered, a slice of cake in my hand, i slid it at the table and waited. It took a while when he realized that i was standing behind him. He was dumbfounded to see me there; he never expected na nandun ako nakatayo sa harap nya. I never felt more excited since the last time i felt excitement nun bumili ako ng LCD TV ko hehe. Even after 30 mins he really cant believe na nandun ako. That was when i popped the question that has been bugging me the past two weeks, i asked for his heart. I asked him to be my partner and he said Yes! I gave my gift to him, a bracelet that both of us will wear signifying us being together finally. During my short stay there, we spent almost everyday together. I saw happiness in his eyes too. Kahit mejo pigil kami sa labas pag magkasama but ang importante nun eh magkasama kami. I asked him to come home with me back to manila... to have a future together. He agreed to come home with me, and we travelled back to manila together, to the anticipation of our friends from the site and our personal friends. We are set to charter a life together with no certainties. We just knew that we love each other and on that time it was all that matters.
We started out as any couple would do, honeymoon, seems like every day we were inseparable. Even the simplest things we laugh about. We attended events together, shared dinner with friends who are eager to see us and gustong makinig ng kwentong pag-ibig naming dalawa. Everyone was very excited, so are we, pero may katapusan din pala ang lahat. Reality starts to set in and all the excitement drew to a close. Nandto na yun challenges na araw araw na kaming magkasama, see each other’s vulnerability, like Makita ang isat isa pag bagong gising, ang habits ng isat isa, ang mga kasipagan at katamaran at marami pa. Minsan sa mga relasyon ng gaya sa atin, ito daw ang testing ground ng pagkagusto nyo sa isat isa, pag nagsimula na kayung magkasama after all the excitement of the courtship and giriian and flirtations. Kumbaga dito na kayu nagkakaalaman ng ugali ng isat isa, you test the compatibilities and those other things na nakasanayan mo na nun mag isa ka. Nagsimula nang Makita ang mga ugali naming, nanjan na unang una yun sa mga random txt messages na natatanggap, yun tanungan ng tanungan. So far wala naman masyadong selosan kase hindi naman kami masyadong lumalabas. There has been instances na may napagtalunan kami na connected pa in the recent past that haunted us pero nakukuha din naman sa usapan. There has been different topics and principles din kaming pinagtalunan pero so far we stuck to our promise na paguusapan ang problema at sosolusyunan ang mga ito. Trials came kase pareho kaming walang work, kumbaga yun natatanggap naming pera buwan buwan ang ikinabubuhay namin. We tried to work around it everyday. So far kahit may kaunting problema, we felt ok kase magkasama kaming 2. We just spent our days here sa bahay, surfing the net, cooking, eating, kulitan ng walang katapusan. We spent our 1st month together so simple. I bought him chocolates and gave it to him on the stroke of midnight as i greeted him. On the monthsary itself, nakipagkuntsaba ako dun sa head ng site naming to post my vows to him... so sabay sabay, pag open nya ng profile nya dun sa site naka post yun vow, tapos naka send din sa kanya thru sms. That was the only thing na naisip ko to surprise him kase nga kapos kami sa budget nun. Then after a few days we went on a date nun dumating un funds. Our pagsasama went on for another month until dumating yun time na kinatatakutan ko, yun pauwiin sya pabalik sa province nila.
A few weeks before our 2nd month, the news came. Na kailangan na nya bumalik sa sa province nila sa utos ng tatay nya. As much as i would not want him to go back there, wala naman akong magawa kase pamilya na yun. I was asking him then what is the reason ng pagpapauwi sa kanya, only vague reasons arose... nanjang isa sa dahilan yun AH1N1 na kumakalat dto ngayun sa manila, nanjan yun ieenroll sya sa scuba diving at firing. Andaming dahilan na parang ang hirap tanggapin dahil its very hard to let go of someone na mahal mo. Everyday after the news was said, parang struggle na, unti unting nag seep in sa akin ang kalungkutan, knowing in a few days aalis na sya. Parang ang hirap magkaron ng moment na hindi mo sya makikita, na parang ang gusto ko lang nun mga oras na un eh nandun lang ako lagi sa harap nya at pinagmamasdan sya. I try to remember each small detail, each smile, frown, laughter... i tried to brush off that loneliness kase ayoko naman Makita nya ako na umiiyak. Pag magisa na lang ako saka ko naibubuhos yun nararamdaman ko. One day came after the next, habang lumalapit yun araw ng pag alis nya lalong bumibigat ang nararamdaman ko. Knowing na 6 months after pa daw sya babalik is making it even harder.
The day came nang nandun na kami sa terminal ng bus at bumili na kami ng tiket pauwi nya. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko... i was on the verge of crying pero pinipigil ko. Ganun pala yun pag pigil na pigil ang kinikimkim mo, parang sasabog ang dibdib mo. Actually nanalangin pa nga ako na sana mawala or mamisplace yun tiket para ndi na sya makauwi. But its already set. He was to go back Tuesday night. That night, nagsimula na sya magligpit ng gamit nya, ayusin lahat yun dadalhin nya pabalik... i tried to busy myself na lang sa panonood ng dvd para ndi ako malungkot. Nagtatampo pa nga sya bakit parang hindi ko daw sya pinapansin, hindi ko lang masabi na “anong gusto mo? Magsaya ako na aalis ka?” ayokong tumingin kase masakit para sa akin ang pag-alis nya. Although hindi naman kami mag break or mag cool-off or anything pero mahirap pa din na magkahiwalay. Kumbaga sa paggawa ng bahay, hindi pa nga ganun katigas o katibay ang pundasyon eh lalagyan mo na ng 2nd floor. I felt that at that time, we were not ready yet sa ganung sitwasyon. Na ang relasyon naming ngayun, fragile as it is dahil bago pa lang e ma subject to further test ngayung magiging long distance naman. I felt that the distance would make the relationship even more fragile kase sa isang iglap lang pwede magbago ang lahat. Mahirap ayusin ang mga bagay bagay kase malayo kami sa isat isa. We slept that night na umiiyak and not knowing what future is ahead of us.
Ang bilis ng araw nun Tuesday nay un, its been raining all day, parang nakikisama ang langit sa dalamhating nararamdaman ko. There were instances when i just feel na tumutulo nap ala yun luha ko. Parang hindi pa ako handa na umalis sya, in a relationship, this is not something you prepare for, not in a million times you think of. Yes, nanjan un fact na alam naman natin na wala naman constant dito sa mundo, and everything has its end, pero you constantly deny yourself that fact, you continuously hold on to the dream na matagal kayong magkakasama. Nang mga oras nay un, gusto ko syang pigilan, but i could not think of anything anymore to tell him na wag na sya umuwi. Alam kong wala akong laban sa pamilya nya.
The air at the bus terminal was so thick, parang hindi ako makahinga, 2 months ago, i was in that same terminal, all happy and excited, now im back there with a heavy heart and witnessing his departure. I felt traumatized. Ang hirap pala, akala ko sa movies lang yun na maiiyak ka pag nakita mo ang mahal mong umalis. But now i’m here, i’m experiencing that moment and it hurts so bad. Habang papalapit nang papalait yun oras ng pag-alis nun bus... i tried to remain my composure, ayoko mag breakdown kase usapan na naming na wala nang iiyak. Pinigil ko lahat, with every ounce of my will, but when i saw the bus pass by in front of me, with him waving back at me... hindi ko na napigilan ang pagbagsak ng luha ko. I felt that it will be the last time that i will see him, na hinayaan ko lang umalis ang taong mahal ko at wala akong magawa to prevent it. I know mahirap din para sa kanya ang ganun but i think mas mahirap sa taong naiiwan. As i looked at the bus until it disappeared, walang tigil ang iyak ko at hagulgol. My friend kept on consoling me na wag na akong umiyak at babalik din naman sya. Pakiramdam ko nun para akong magkaka heart attack sa tindi ng kabog ng dibdib ko. I have my friends to thank that night kase they really tried to make me forget for a while un sitawasyon ko. Isinama nila ako sa bar para mag aliw panandalian, but the loneliness and loss that i felt was still there.
Ang hirap pala ng unang gabi na hindi na kayu magkasama. Parang nakakapanibago ang unang gabing pagpasok ko ulit sa kwarto namin na wala sya dun sa kama, nagaantay at nakangiti. Nakakabingi ang katahimikan ng kwarto naming ng gabing yun. Parang kahit bukas ang tv... para lang akong nasa loob ng vacuum, walang nararamdaman, walang naririnig, walang nakikita. I tried to sleep but to no avail, nagpaikot ikot lang ako sa kama, umiiyak at yakap yakap ang unan nya, pilit na nilalanghap ang natitirang amoy nya sa unan. This went on for quite a few days. Everyday was like too much for me to handle. Magigising akong walang tao ang buong kabahayan, wala akong kasabay sa pagkain... maghapon akong tutunganga dito sa sala na magisa, walang kausap, dadating ang gabi at matutulog ng walang katabi. Ang hirap nang nakasanayan mong nanjan lang sya sa tabi mo, madaling makausap, madaling makayakap. It was even a struggle for me to even answer his txt messages kase naiiyak ako. My friends told me to be busy para maalis ang isip ko sa kanya, but it was very hard. Madaling magsabi lalo’t wala ka sa sitwasyon, i know for a fact kase madalas din ako mag advice and most of the time, those advises ako ang unang dumadaan or pagdadaanan ko din one way or the other. I dunno kung sadyang pinaglalaruan lang ako ng kapalaran.
Everyday we try to talk thru txt or thru calls, ang hirap mag pretend, hindi ko makayang kausapin sya na may saya sa boses ko. I know that he is somehow irritated sa mga ikinikilos ko pero hindi ko kaya magkunwari eh. One day came when i felt he has changed somehow, the way he speaks in his messages, all the restrictions of calling suddenly gave me an alarming signal. Parang all of a sudden biglang bawal na sya tawagan at a certain time, may times na nakakatanggap ako ng messages na parang hindi ako yun kausap nya and out of line sa pinaguusapan namin. May times din na pag unyt na, ang messages na natatanggap ko sa kanya eh may interval ng 30 mins. Cguro ganun talaga ang naiisip mo pag malayo sayu ang minamahal mo. I felt there was somebody else. Bumalik sa akin yun time na nandun sya sa kanila way back april when he told me he was out with a friend for dinner pero yun pala he was with a guy he met there and went out on a date. I was afraid that this time around ganun na naman ang mangyari. And honestly i am afraid of losing him kase malayo ako eh, i felt wala akong kalaban laban. I tried to ignore those thoughts but everyday seems may bagong tell tale signs kaya lalo ako napaparanoid. I decided one day to tell him everything that i noticed and how i really felt about it. He gave me his reasons but still at the back of my mind that thought still lingers. I felt a moment of relief but it still bothers me.
I was really troubled and hindi ko na kaya, i was at a point na gusto ko nang sumuko, and i felt na he was beginning to distance himself, kahit na paulit ulit nya sinasabi sa akin na mahal nya ako, na hindi sya mamawawala, those are just words, parang ang hirap maramdaman yun assurance. Wala naman ako magawa at that moment, hindi ko afford na pumunta dun at sundan sya. I don’t have any means kundi ang txt messaging lang at tawag, yun tawag nga naging limitado pa. One of my good friends ang biglang nag txt sa akin, nagyaya ng inuman kase bday nya, i obliged and i think she was the right person that i need to talk to dahil sya ay dumadaan din sa sitwasyon na meron ako ngayun. When we started, she instantly knew that i was in a complicated situation, she knew me thru and thru, sa tagal ba naman naming magkumare, para na kaming magkapatid. Alam nya ang pinagdadaanan ko, and she ws there to give me some advice and pointers. What she shared that night was true, tagos hanggang buto and i was guilty. Naliwanagan ako sa lahat ng mga ipinayo nya sa akin, and somehow i felt relieved and naging mas accepting ako sa mga nangyayari at sa mga pwede pang mangyari.
Now, ganun pa din ang sitwasyon namin, he is there, i am here, but somehow meron akong nakitang mga pagbabago from him, although hindi pa din sya pwedeng tawagan sa gabi, somehow un paguusap naman naming sa txt ay Masaya na ang mga topic, hindi na gaya ng dati na parang ang gloomy lagi, cguro kaya umiiwas din sya ay dahil sa akin, naisip ko din na sino ba naman ang matutuwang kausap ang isang taong parang lagi na lang drama ang eksena. Ngayun ive tried to limit myself sa pakikipagusap sa kanya para hindi na din ako masyaong magisip, i gave him the space, a space we both need para kahit malayo kami sa isat isa ay hindi kami magkasakalan. I realized that no matter how much i tell him na wag magloko dun wala din naman ako magagawa eh, i just hold on to what he said that he loves me and that i hold his heart, na hindi sya mawawala sa buhay ko at ayaw nya ako mawala sa buhay nya. For now yun na lang ang tinitingnan ko at pinanghahawakan ko, i know its not much but i have hope that everything is going to be better in time, in time pag balik nya dto kung papalarin na maayos pa din kaming dalawa then we can continue where we left off and this time avoid the pitfalls that we have been through and try to do better. Truly, absence makes the heart grow fonder, yet absence can also be a trap in which one can never survive. Ngayun im looking forward sa paguwi ko sa province nila at ang muli naming pagkikita, hoping that when i return to manila, he is with me again ready to start anew.
